Laundry Mondays
by Dicsi
Summary: *Rewritten and changed title* Sometimes taking a step back is needed to take a bigger step forward. Emily is doing her laundry and finds something that isn't hers. It makes her think back to the moment where things changed. H/P


_AN: Hee everyone! This has taken a completely different turn as to how I expected this story to be going, so I hope it's clear, makes sense and is a little bit likable as well :). _

_Enjoy!_

_(EDIT: So I was just reading through some old fics posted here and found out there was already a fic named 'Laundry Day' by Kavi Leighanna. I had no idea!! Anyways that's the reason why I dedided to change the name of this fic, plus I've added something to the ending.)  
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_**Disclaimer: As always, I do not own Criminal Minds in any way. I'm using them for entertainment purposes only, but they don't belong to me . **_

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Getting her laundry out of the dryer she placed the pile of clean smelling clothes on the table next to her. It was a Monday. Her washday. Readying herself to start folding she picked out the large things first. She loved the smell of freshly washed clothes. It was like washing off all dirt and negativity. Starting over again. A clean page. Or in this case; a clean piece of clothing.

Halfway through her folding routine she noticed a piece of middle-large clothing that she didn´t recall being hers. Picking it up she examined the black T-shirt. A small smile covered her features. No, this definitely didn't belong to her.

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Remembering she had been sitting on her couch, alone, watching TV with a cup of tea in her hands. Enjoying the movie 'Leap Year', which she rented that evening. She did that occasionally. Mostly after cases that would be likely to haunt her later on. Renting a movie helped her moving on from the horrors of the job and not becoming stuck with the terrifying images in her head. Watching romantic comedies helped her put those images away in her mind. Replacing them by nicer ones. She wouldn't admit it to anyone else, but it helped her and so she made it a habit to try and watch nice movies when she could. She loved it, it was one of the few things she did for herself. Alongside the occasional hot tub night she reserved for herself, but those nights were less of a secret to the people she knew.

Laughter from a single voice filled her living room during the funny parts of the movie. It's kind of funny how someone could have fun like this on its own. Though being a 'people person', Emily really needed her alone time as well. Living by herself you'd think she'd have loads of alone time, but truth be told she had to admit to herself she was spending more time at the office than at home.

She did have social contacts outside of her BAU family. But those were friends, or acquaintances would probably be a better word to describe them, she saw far and between. A drink here and there, an 'I'll call you later', where the actual call would be a month away. She didn't blame those people for not staying in touch as much as they could. She didn't have much time for them either and mostly she was the one who had to cancel their meet ups. A case would come up or something else work related. The most important thing being her not minding at all that those work related issues were coming up.

She valued the teams friendship more than those acquaintances. The team she thought of as her family, the people she related to and cared about the most.

Could you call her a workaholic? Yes, probably. Would she ever admit she was? No, never. It didn't feel that way to her. Plus she knew people making much more hours than she did.. Those people being her boss mostly. Yes he is someone who works way too much. That single fact was why she wasn't all that surprised when he showed up at her doorstep on her private movie night.

Being halfway through the movie she heard the buzz of her doorbell. Pressing pause she placed her mug on the coffee table and pulled the quilt off her legs. A little hesitant she left her comfortable spot on the couch. She moved to see who's standing in front of her door. It´d better be good. Last month she'd been home on a Saturday and some kids in her building were ringing doorbells for fun. As much as she loved kids, this wasn't something she enjoyed. Especially not if it happened multiple times during her free weekend.

Looking through the small peephole of her door, she felt her heartbeat quickening just a little. Not knowing if she should be positive or negative about him showing up. She knew for a fact that him standing on her doorstep made her nervous. But maybe more so that he was standing on her doorstep at this hour.

Taking a moment before opening the door she braced herself for the seemingly unknown.

"Hey?"

She looked him straight in the eye, putting up a wall unconsciously. He stood there in front of her, dressed casually from what she could see. Wearing a pair of jeans. Though still the man she knew him to be. Seeing the seriousness written all over his face.

"Hi"

Her eyes could not hide her emotions. Thoughts wandering from events earlier during the day to the moment why he would be here now.

He continued to hold her gaze. Not backing down for a bit. Uncertainty nowhere to be found on his side.

"May I come in?"

She crossed her arms, being the one who shifted her eyes first. Hotch's however were still plastered on her face.

After a short pause, she finally answered him. "Sure," she said sighing, moving to let him pass her.

Locking the door she turned to him. Unlike the last time he'd been at her apartment, she was surprised to see him waiting for her in the hallway. Taking a quick glance in his direction she walked to the kitchen.

After the brief exchange by the door, she knew he'd come here for something important to him. Something he needed to take care of. That something was a thing she didn't want to look into. Part of that the reason of her watching the movie tonight.

"You want something to drink? I've made tea earlier. It should still be hot." She choose to ignore the matter for as long as she could. Setting up a distraction. Making drinks was a good side-path.

Not waiting for his reaction she busied herself. Grabbing her half empty mug from the coffee table, she went to grab another from one of the kitchen cabinets.

While she was pouring their tea a hand suddenly moved over hers, removing the teapot from her grasp.

"You should be resting Emily." She head his soft voice say. "Here, let me okay?"

She wasn't ready for this now. She hadn't put everything behind her yet. If only he'd come an hour later. If only.. She needed to finish her movie first. Needing to mentally be able to hold on to her safety zone. She looked sideways to where her TV was.

Hotch's words ignored, she was at lost with herself. He showed up. It wasn't part of her movie routine. She needed to be alone. The intelligent woman she was, she'd seen the structure some people needed to deal with life changing matters. She knew a movie couldn't take everything away. That would be too easy. It was a nicely decorated façade to trick herself. The structure, the routine was what she was comfortable with. Making her think she could move on from everything. Put it behind her and take two steps forward again instead of two back.

Was that a good thing?

She suddenly didn't know anymore. Him coming here right now made her feel like the ground had shattered away from underneath her. She was nowhere. Floating somewhere in between the here, now and then. Somewhere near both the past and the future.

Sometimes a person needs to take a step back.

"Emily.." and she was back in the here and now. Her kitchen. Her home. With Hotch standing next to her. Not remembering doing so, she assumed he had put the teapot on the counter again. His look concerned as his hand laid on her shoulder. "They've just released you a day ago."

Her eyes started to get watery. "I uhm.." she paused, not trusting her voice enough to finish what she wanted to tell him. Her mind was screaming at her to tell him that she was taking it easy. That she was relaxing on her couch before he came, taking it easy in her own way. That she was alright. But she couldn´t tell him that, because she knew she wasn't.

The moment he'd walked through the door, she had already taken a small step backwards.

It scared her she felt like this. That he could have this effect on her. She wasn't one to back down from a confrontation. She'd never backed down from Hotch like this. Always having had words ready to say to him when needed. Telling him honestly what she thought or felt.

Hotch looked at her expectantly, the lines around his mouth sharper than usual. His lips pressed together tightly.

She felt his thumb stroke the side of her neck. The finger carefully touching the edge of the scar that hadn't been there two weeks ago ever so lightly. The gesture made her shiver. The spot still felt a little tender.

"Can we uhm.. sit down for a bit?" her voice sounded like a raw whisper. Tea forgotten they moved to her couch.

They sat down on her couch. Emily grabbing the remote control to put her TV on standby. It was time to fully take a step back. And so she placed the controller on the far end of her coffee table. She looked at Hotch.

Two weeks ago she'd been held hostage by their unsub. It had been a close call and she could still feel the sharp blade on her skin. Every time she closed her eyes she felt the agonizing pain again. The long scar on her neck being one of the silent reminders of that. She didn't remember it clearly, but she'd been told the team had been seconds too late to prevent what happened to her.

The lonely, helpless feelings she had while being held by the unsub came flooding back to her. He'd had her in his power. The man had been under the influence of drugs. Irrational, moving on impulse only. Talking to him hadn't helped.

Fighting him hadn't helped her either.

What she did remember clearly was Hotch's face when she'd woken up in the hospital. There had been dark circles under his eyes. Pale skin in contrast with the slight stubble that had formed on his jaw.

She was glad he was looking better now than a couple of days ago.

A tear trickled down her cheek. When Hotch moved to wipe the lonely streak away, Emily's wall broke loose completely. Being vulnerable in front of someone else for the first time in years.

She felt his arms come around her, stroking her back while she cried. Hands fisted on his chest, she held on to him. Her head buried in the crook of his neck. Getting a new sense of comfort from the man. She was sure the kiss he'd pressed on her forehead had something to do with that as well.

Emily had cried herself to sleep in his arms.

A secure feeling had come over her when she'd woken up on his chest hours later.

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Emily blushed thinking back to the moment they'd woken up. The way his dimples showed just for her when she'd looked up at him. It had felt slightly intimate, him laying with her. She liked it. A lot, maybe. Her hands had been on his chest, covering the T-shirt she's holding in her hands at this very moment.

Sometimes taking a step back is needed to take a bigger step forward. That was what he'd helped her do.

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_The end for now? I'm thinking of doing a sequal on this, maybe.. Can't promise anything as to when I'll start that one though ;) First I want to focus more on an other story I'm working on.  
Anyways, it would be greatly appreciated to let me know what you thought of this. Just hit the little button :)_


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